


It was the truth

by karmy18



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015), supercorp - Fandom
Genre: F/F, Kara Danvers Tries, Lena Luthor Knows Kara Danvers Is Supergirl, both of their lives are intertwined, but all kara is is tired and sad, everyone is waiting for kara to snap, if lena luthor did spill kara's secret in 5x01, it follows kara, oh how she tries, she feels like she deserves this, somethings can't simply end just like that, the story is about them, the story starts there, there is no cold turkey, they're connected
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-19
Updated: 2019-10-24
Packaged: 2020-12-23 23:00:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21089225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/karmy18/pseuds/karmy18
Summary: This is a story that takes place in the wake of Supergirl 5x01 if Lena Luthor did release that Kara Danvers and Supergirl were the same person.





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a story that takes place in the wake of Supergirl 5x01 if Lena Luthor did release that Kara Danvers and Supergirl were the same person.

It’s always in the after. It doesn’t make it into the during. It was always to late for the beginning.

Kara Danvers is Supergirl. Supergirl is Kara Danvers. Except now the whole world knew it.

Alex had told her that she should be mad. She gets mad for her.

She receives a call from Clark reminding her that he had told her so about befriending a Luthor. She listened to the voicemail once before deleting it.

Nia looks at her with a look in her eye that Kara can’t meet. There’s acceptance waiting for her there. She doesn’t feel like she deserves it.

Kara tells herself she no longer has to hide. But she doesn’t know how to reconcile the separate versions of herself as one. It all feels foreign. No one expects her to be human. But what if that’s all she’s known since the day that Jerimiah gave her those glasses which dampened her own abilities. She had grown into being Kara just like she had more recently grown into being Supergirl.

There wasn’t one without the other.

Except now the line no longer existed.

Kara had lost control of her own personhood. People saw her as they liked and she couldn’t stop them. She wasn’t human.

She thought the sickest joke of it all was that if she really wanted to be someone other than herself she would have to wear one of L-Corp’s image inducers. It was a cruel irony.

Kara made herself get out of bed. She got herself to work sitting at the same desk she sat before the whole world knew her secret.

She wanted to be okay. But there was no okay for her, after everything.

Kara Danvers did not hate Lena Luthor. No. She understood her. Because after all Lena had never asked her, Kara Danvers, to be anything but honest. It had been years. It wasn’t that Kara had not wanted to tell her. There had been times where she had gotten so close. She swore she tasted the words on her tongue. But reality was that she never did. Kara Danvers never gave Lena Luthor the truth, her truth. So Lena Luthor had given the world Kara’s truth for her. All while being there with Kara.

It wasn’t the last time Kara found herself in Lena’s presence. But it stopped being her choice just as it had never been her choice for the whole world to know that Kara Danvers and Supergirl were one and the same.

*****

She remembers the look in her eyes. Lena was looking at her when the news went live. She stitches that fact together in the weeks and days existing in the after. She remembers that small bit of panic that Lena couldn’t completely hide or dispel. Kara caught it. She wonders if it would have been easier if the animosity was there on the surface reflected back at her so that she would have known before her phone wouldn’t stop ringing until it ran out of battery. Or until her website crashed because it was cited in every follow up article and it was one of the few things her name was attached to other than CatCo itself.

Lena had looked at her like she was her best friend. Kara wonders if they were ever just that.

She thinks that if they were best friends it wouldn’t hurt like this. If they were best friends she could be mad but all she feels is sadness. She owns the disaster. Kara knows it could have been prevented. Every last detail of it. So she owns it. She puts it on her back and she trudges forward. It’s the only thing she knows to do. It wasn’t a question. Not after everything. 

There’s a day at the DEO when Brainy asks her if she could say something to Lena what would she say.

Kara knows that Brainy is still friends with Lena. He hadn’t chosen a side. Kara is thankful for that. The last thing she wants is for whatever support system Lena had in National City to be gone completely.

She thinks through her answer. It’s not because she think it will get back to Lena. With Brainy it’s not a performance. She knows that it’s not curiosity motivating him. He was sought to understand. He had asked questions well before the Kara Danvers is Supergirl news was a substantiated headline.

Kara tries to keep her voice steady. “I’d tell her I’m sorry.”

“Excuse me?”

She sees the incomprehension splashed across Brainy’s face.

She wishes she didn’t feel the responsibility to explain it to him.

Kara shrugs in her dark DEO workout clothes. “I don’t blame her.”

“Alex thinks you should.”

She can’t help but roll her eyes.

“I hurt her. After all the people who have betrayed her in her life. I was just another person on that list and after everything…”

Brainy takes a step closer to Kara. She thinks he must be examining her. “You surprise me Kara Danvers.”

It’s her turn to be surprised.

“I didn’t know if you had your own little boxes you sorted your emotions into. Lena had given me insight into it last year in yet another one of our own crises. It only lasted for so long.

“Looking on I wondered if you had built yourself your own dam where it was only a matter of time before the water broke through and chaos ensued.”

Kara asks. “And?”

He puts his hands on his hips. Brainy’s more serious than he was when their conversation opened. “You really do believe that this is your fault. Lena feels bad. I will retain her trust and stop there. But I’ve been waiting for you to get mad. People say such vitriolic things about Lena. You defend her at every turn. You Kara Danvers amaze me. You are a true hero.”

Her mouth hangs open. She doesn’t know what to do with his words.

He says one last thing before leaving the room and Kara by herself. “You love her. There’s no other answer which I’ve computed which checks out. I admire you Kara. I consider myself lucky to call you a friend in this century and this world.”

She sits stranded in the middle of the training room with his words. She didn’t blame Lena. She didn’t hate her either. She couldn’t. The one person that Kara faulted in the situation was herself. If she could go back and do things differently she would have. But this was the reality she was in. She had made her choices. She had to live with them too. The truth was there in front of her. Once she saw it she couldn’t unsee it. It was there.

Kara Danvers loved Lena Luthor.


	2. Chapter 2

Lena Luthor regretted it. She did the moment after the information went live and the gravity of the situation hit her.

She had outed the person who she called her best friend just seconds before.

She was the perpetrator. Not Lex but herself. She was the villain in the situation.

Kara does not contact her. She wonders if it would be easier if she did. She felt like she deserved that. After everything Lena was the monster in the situation. She felt like she deserved all the venom Kara could spew at her.

But Kara Danvers didn’t act that way.

The super friends no longer spoke with her except for Brainy. He sat with Lena. They didn’t necessarily talk as so much as coexist when they spent time together. Brainy taught Lena other worlds versions and iterations of chess. Other than that talking was not something that spilled forth. She couldn’t help but wonder if Brainy felt bad for her.

She didn’t ask him if he had his own betrayals within his prior timelines. She didn’t think it was her business. She knew there was carnage in his past. One day maybe she would learn the details. She also knew she wasn’t ready to be the friend that he deserved if he did open up to her. She wanted to be better. And the last person she wanted to be better for she had spoiled her alter ego and exposed her to the world. Lena didn’t think she should have friends. It as her after all, that’s what she always thought to herself.

It would have been easier if it was a single decision. But that was not the truth. It was a series of decisions Lena had had to make when she cashed Kara’s secret in. It was not just Kara or Supergirl. There were endless ripples of consequences.

She doesn’t put her own feelings under a microscope. She’s petrified to discover what was there. Lena was broken. She was shattered. There were pieces of her which were absent. She thought she deserved that after what she had done. It was her after all.

She has Kara’s blood on her hands. She finds herself at the DEO while a crisis swirls around her and the people who were once her own friends. 

Alex had pointed her finger at her the first time Lena was brought back into the DEO after Kara was exposed. She jabbed her finger at Lena when it was just the two of them, Lena couldn’t help but take a step back, finding herself against a wall. “I have to work with you Lena. But don’t you dare do anything else to hurt Kara. If I were her I’d never have let you live it down. You ruined what she had built for herself since the first day she had come to earth. I will never, I repeat, never, forgive you for that.”

Then Alex’s straight laced Director Danvers personality returned. Lena couldn’t say she was surprised by the emotional whiplash. She knew that Alex getting Lena into the DEO was not only a choice but a cost.

It kept happening, Lena contracting on DEO matters. Her technology skills could not be denied. She had an uncanny ability to devise solutions when no one else could. She was kept around for that reason. If it wasn’t Alex saying it, it was a black clad agent who sneered in her direction. The people who hesitated before stepping into a situation when she was present.

Lena could deal with those small slights. She was used to it after the years of going to boarding schools and having to play board room politics. She never expected to feel welcome when she entered a room. Whenever she was in the parameters of a DEO premise or situation she expected it. It was when hard won success arrived and she was thanked for her hard work that she was unsettled. It was never the violence itself. It was the peace after the storm. That screamed in her mind louder than anything else.

Kara had stepped in front of Lena taking the bullet for her.

Lena’s grasping her hand. Kara isn’t sure she hears her right. “You just had to be the hero.”

It wasn’t a choice that Kara was conscious of. Her body simply reacted. The bullet wasn’t intended for her. She doesn’t know how it managed to penetrate her body. But Lena is there with her. She’s clutching her hand as if Kara is going to disappear.

Kara sees a look in Lena’s eyes that she thought she would never see again.

She tries to smile. She wants to tell Lena it’s okay. A squad of DEO agents burst onto the scene, rescuing her from whatever threat it is this time.

This was when Lena Luthor was most overwhelmed. Her fingers had brushed against the ripped material at Kara’s abdomen.

Lena feels a cold sweat sticking to her own skin.

Lena is supposed to be working. She was called into fix things not to fixate on the woman whose life she had devastated. Kara had broken Lena’s heart then Lena was the root cause of Kara’s life ripping at the seams. It was wrong just like the blood on Lena’s hands.

She thinks to herself. She forces herself to take a deep breath, counting to four before exhaling and doing the same thing over again.

They’re separated. Kara is carried away she’s not sure whether it was her or Lena who had let go first.

Lena saves the day. She’ll never receive credit for it. But that’s the last thing she wants. It was never about the accolades. That wasn’t her purpose or motivation. There weren’t enough trophies in the world which could make her feel whole. She had this mad need to prove that she could build instead of break. She was so fucking tired of burning things down. She had to grow and foster something within her life. Because if she didn’t, who was she? She was the woman who had ruined the one persons life who had cared for her the most. It would mean turning into her brother. That was the stuff of nightmares. She worried about it each time she saw herself in the mirror.

Lena didn’t stop. She couldn’t afford to do so. She fought harder than anyone knew. She was tireless in her pursuit of solutions. But that night by the time she makes it to her own apartment the one thing she can’t forget is Kara’s bleeding. It was the closest they had been since the night where Lena let Kara’s one secret loose.

Later Lena seeks her out. It was the pair alone in the room where Kara laid on a sun bed. Lena’s hand had found Kara’s. Her fingers had skimmed over her damaged suit. Her hand was on her wound. Kara was laying there broken. She’d get better. Lena knew that. There was so much she had to do that was not standing watching the woman who was once her best friendin a state of unconsciousness.

That was what Lena remembered most vividly from the day. She had been so close to Kara yet so far away at the same time. They were at a distance even if they were in the same room.

Lena had done that. She had pulled the trigger for Kara’s mutually assured destruction.

She was committed to fighting tooth and nail to reverse that decision. It was more than a want. It was a need. There was no way to make it right but Lena would die trying.

*****

Some things hurt more than they used to. Lena lets herself cry when she’s in the shower and there is steam around her. She gives herself that.

Kara has a new freedom. It looms large and it frightens her. She has her choice of who she wants to be. She doesn’t think it’s changed. She’s always wanted to be someone to be proud of. The person who chooses the good and is remembered for being better all while helping others. She doesn’t know the name of that version of herself. She wants that to be okay but she can’t shake the feeling that she’s missing something. She feels an absence within herself. She doesn’t breathe a word of it aloud. She doesn’t trust herself. She keeps it next to her acceptance that she loved Lena Luthor the same woman who had obliterated Kara Danvers. Alex had told her repetitively that Lena was the one who signed the death certificate for Kara Danvers. Kara was Supergirl. The whole world knew it. There was no binary between the versions of herself. Alex kept on saying that Lena was to blame.

Kara wondered if it was all just a matter of time. She thinks that she could only have kept up the ruse for so long. She doesn’t tell Alex this. She lets her get mad. She knows its easier somehow to be mad rather than be hurt. Even if the anger itself is a mask for the pain. She lets her sister have this. Kara has bigger demons to fight. Her sister is on her side, the one which keeps her safe. She wished there didn’t have to be sides in the first place.

Kara doesn’t approach Lena. She lets herself be. But she’s also afraid of what she’d say when they do finally have a conversation that’s not situated around imminent danger. When the things they have to lose is not their lives but their feelings. The time will come. Kara is sure of it. She doesn’t have the words. But she sees Lena all the same. She keeps her distance. It’s supposed to be easier that way. Her heart lets her know its not. There is something pulling them together. Kara saves it for another day until Lena is the one who finds her.

She’s staring up at the night sky. She knows it’s Lena by her heartbeat and her approach. She doesn’t look as Lena stands next to her.

Lena is quivering. Kara doesn’t have a sweater to offer her. She remains where she is. Her lips are sealed.

“I used to love the stars.”

Kara finally looks at Lena who is looking up at the night time sky.

“It was so easy to get lost but there were ways to find a way home to what I knew.”

She doubts Lena is still talking about constellation patterns.

“I was wrong.”

She looks down finally meeting Kara’s eyes.

She’s not ready for the expression reflected back at her.

Lena wishes Kara would say something, anything.

“I made a mistake when I did what I did. I knew immediately but I couldn’t undue it.” She inches closer to Kara. “I was hurt, but what I did was sick. I don’t want to be the person who outs someone they love all because they were hurt.”

“I put you and everyone you love in jeopardy. Me, I did that. I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry Kara.”

They’re interrupted as Alex, Brainy and Nia walk into their conversation. Alex casts a look at Lena while speaking to her sister. “We’re going to get drinks.”

Kara nods.

Nia looks between the pair. She gently pulls Brainy back.

Alex stares at Lena for another second before leaving.

Kara opens up her stance. She’s still wearing the suit and cape.

The words which come shock Lena. “You could come to drinks. You helped save the day after all.”

She swipes at her eyes wondering how much of a mess her mascara has made. “I was hardly invited.”

Kara’s serious. “I’m inviting you.”

She tries to take stock of the situation. “Kara.”

She hears her. “Another time then.”

Lena is left by herself and the night sky. She catches Kara looking back at her over her shoulder. They find each other. Lena asks the question. “You don’t hate me?”

The woman who was once her best friend is sure. “I could never.”

There’s a beat which passes.

Kara reiterates coming closer to Lena but remaining an arms length away. “I don’t hate you. You can remember that. I promise.”

She nods and Kara is gone again. This time she doesn’t look back.


	3. Chapter 3

Lena doesn’t know how to reconcile the parts of her self. There’s the woman who does good. She innovates and invents. She insures that the children’s hospitals in her families names are well taken care of. There is the long list of charities and organizations she supports. That’s anonymous. The point was for the public not to know. There was the other side. The one who had outed Kara. The woman who was more Luthor than she wanted to be.She tried to push it down and away. But it never remained hidden. No, Lena didn’t know how not to wear the family name. There were so few people who knew her as Lena. Just Lena. And what had become of those few people?

Lena is intimately familiar with shame. Her actions lead her there time after time. This was not where her home was supposed to be.

She seeks Kara out. They had made it to the point where Kara would say words to Lena. Pleasantries were extended in her direction. She answered questions when they were put in front of her. The greatest kindness she extended was that she treated Lena like a person. She could have been anyone. But Kara included her.

Lena sits on the floor next to Kara. They’re waiting outside a medical room that doubled as a laboratory. There are tests being conducted inside. This time it’s Alex.

Lena puts her hand out in the space between them. It’s an offer.

Kara takes it.

She squeezes Lena’s hand. The other woman hears her sharp intake of breath. The girl of steel is trying to be strong. Alex was in there. Kara’s sister, her person. Everyone was on edge. 

They don’t say anything as the minutes draw out in front of them.

This woman had hurt her. She had outed Kara’s biggest secret. Her alter ego was gone. She didn’t know if that was supposed to be Kara Danvers or Supergirl. It had been years since she was Kara Zor-El. Since the fallout she didn’t know who she was. She wasn’t really anyone. What else did she have to lose? Everyone had an opinion other than herself.

But she was finding herself drifting and wanting to be closer to Lena. The woman who obliterated all the lines which had been in existence. It wasn’t that her name was attached to the video that surfaced. The footage was from Kaznia and the only person who could have had it was Lex than Lena. It wasn’t the DEO’s. The person who had submitted it didn’t leave any watermarks. But there was more than just the footage from Kaznia. Alex was right when she had told Kara to be more careful over the years. The person who had put the video together, Lena, had had their choice of clips to use.

Kara had been exposed. It was like coming to Earth again. There was no phantom zone, just earths constant twenty-four hour rotations and three hundred sixty five day revolutions around the sun.

Kara knew she was lost. But she didn’t know how to begin to find herself. She thought about the people in her life. She wanted to talk to Lena even if she shouldn’t. The rational voice in her brain had kept on telling her that if someone outed her then that was it, things were done. The decision had been made for her. But the emotional side, the side which made Kara, Kara, remembered how Lena looked. How each time Lena approached Kara or was even in the same room she was hesitant. Kara wondered if Lena was fearful that Kara one day was just going to explode. The confidence which Lena had worn as armor was wearing away, Kara could see that but she was trained in matters of Lena Luthor. It was probably too minute for others to see. Maybe they didn’t bother to look at all.

So Kara wondered and thought about the person she was supposed to leave in her past, before her personas had become cannon fodder in the twenty-four hours new cycle.

It was wrong. But when in Kara’s life had things ever gone right?

Lena knocks at Kara’s door.

She has the takeout bags in front of her as Kara opens the door. She’s met with a look of surprise upon the tired heroes face.

“Kelly’s with Alex. I thought you might be hungry?”

Kara’s eyes go from Lena to the food and back to Lena.

She opens the door into her apartment.

Lena comes into Kara’s space. She tries not to think about how long it has been or that nothing has seemed to change.

Lena sets the food out on the table in front of the couch like it was no big deal that she was operating within Kara’s space. It could have been a snapshot from before shit had hit the fan.

Kara fills a plate. Lena does the same.

It’s not awkward silence between them. Netflix is playing a rerun of _Friends_ in the background. Neither of them are watching it though. They’re existing there together.

Lena cleared their plates. There was no left over food to put away. Kara assembled the to go boxes and throws them into the trash.

She sits back on the couch.

Kara looks at Lena across the room. Lena shuts off the sink, drying her hands.

There’s so much in Kara. She wants to apologize but she’s afraid it would be cheap coming from her lips. She finds her way back to Kara.

Kara shares the blanket between them.

There’s a calmness between them. Lena didn’t know how it all added up.

“I want you to know I’m sorry and I have regretted it since it went live.”

Kara with all her superhero capabilities is slow to turn to her.

The crinkle is etched by her eyebrow. “I know.”

Lena feels her heart thump in her chest. Was it wrong to want more from Kara after everything? The answer was yes. But she was human, it meant wanting what she couldn’t have. Logic wasn’t required when it came to feelings.

She’s not prepared for the tears in her own eyes.

“It’d be easier if you hated me.”

“I don’t.”

She tucks her knees to her chest. They’re having the conversation. The one they should have had years ago.

“If I’m being honest I wanted to hurt you. I resent myself for that. It was wrong. It was all wrong Kara.” She struggles to say it. “You broke my heart.”

Kara stays quiet.

Lena doesn’t know what to expect. She’s giving Kara her truth. That was supposed to be the whole point. Kara was different. It went beyond what she could do but to how she made Lena felt. She meant it when she said Kara had broken her heart. She was one of the absolute few people who made it close and what had she done? Kara had hurt Lena even if she never meant to. That couldn’t be erased.

She doesn’t feel ready for whatever comes next.

Kara pulls her in for a hug tight against her chest. Lena breathes her in. It feels too good to be true.

Kara holds her. Lena thinks it should be Kara crying. But that’s not the case.

Kara doesn’t say anything. She’s there for her like a best friend. She makes her feel safe. It was always her greatest gift.

*****

There’s a firm persistent knocking at Kara’s door which wakes them both up.

Kara shuffles to her feet moving towards the source of the noise.

Lena tries to get a grasp of the situation. She’s in Kara’s apartment. She had slept over. But nothing happened?

They had cuddled. They had fallen asleep on Kara’s couch tangled together. She had slept better than she had in recent memory.

Alex barges in with Kelly on her heels.

She stops in the middle of Kara’s apartment when she spots Lena Luthor gazing at her phone skimming her morning emails.

Kara puts herself between them.

“Kara what the hell is she doing here.”

Lena stops. Her attention is focused on the Danvers sisters.

“Alex it’s fine.”

There’s a vein jumping out on Alex’s neck. “Did you forget what she did to you? How she put Eliza in danger when she exposed you? That she personally wrecked you all because you hadn’t told her the one thing that was keeping everyone you loved safe?”

She warns her. “Alex.”

She’s not done. “Have you told her how I told you not to tell her. How you wanted to tell her but it was too late. Kara she made up her mind. She doesn’t get to take it back.”

Kara’s chest is heaving. Her ears are red. “I’m not.”

Kelly and Lena are standing on the sidelines. It’s about the Danvers sisters.

“You deserve better.”

“She’s not. We’re not.”

“I don’t care whatever it is between you two. But after everything Kara you’re still over eager to trust people. Do you want to get hurt again is that it?”

“We’re done here.”

Kara takes a step towards her sister and then another. She’s shepherding her out the door. “I am not prepared for this conversation and neither are you.”

Alex grouses further as she leaves.

Kara locks the door behind her and her sisters girlfriend.

She sighs. “It’s too early for that.”

Lena approaches Kara but stays at the counter. Kara starts to make a cup of coffee.

“Do you think she could be right?”

Her head whips around. “What are you talking about?”

“In a million worlds I don’t deserve you Kara.”

“And what do I deserve Lena? My parents helped kill their own planet. They sent me here and there creations have caused havoc again and again. I have blood on my hands just as much as you do.”

“I hurt you.”

“I hurt you too.”

There’s no winner in the scenario.

“What about last night?”

Kara presses the coffee maker on. She puts in the filter and the grinds.

“Can’t we have this?”

Lena asks, “What’s this?”

“Us.”

She’s serious.

“Your sister hates me.”

“Isn’t it up to us though?”

Lena doesn’t want to be the wedge pushing Kara and Alex apart. She wishes Kara wasn’t a hero so that she didn’t put herself second over and over again. She wanted so much more for her.

“I shouldn’t have stayed the night.”

“Lena.”

She’ll play the moment back in her head and ask herself if there was pleading in Kara’s voice or if her mind fabricated it.

Lena goes to grab her things tossing it all into her purse.

Kara looks heart broken in the kitchen. It’s the same look as when she told Lena she was Supergirl.

Lena doesn’t know how to fix this. She’s not sure she should.

Kara is already standing on her porch when Lena gets back.

Lena unlocks the door.

Kara stands in space. Her eyes go from Lena’s eyes to her mouth over and over again.

“I want you.”

“Excuse me?”

“I want you Lena Luthor. You said I broke your heart. Then you showed the world who I really am.”

“Kara those things don’t equal out.”

“I want you. The thing is I think you want me too.”

Kara leans in. Lena feels her whispered words, “Just tell me.”

Except Lena is the one who pulls Kara in those last few inches. It doesn’t make sense. Lena saves it for later. She lets herself have this. Kara Danvers the woman who broke her heart. The one person who felt like home after everything in her life. Lena sinks into her touch all over again. She doesn’t deserve Kara Danvers. But she’s not thinking. She’s feeling. It’s Kara. It’s more. It always has been.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this story is kind of a hot mess. I'd like to acknowledge the fact that it's never okay to out people and their secrets. That being said I think everyone is coming from a valid place. Alex is mad at the woman who hurt her sister. Lena did what Lena was capable of (in the pretense of this story and everything up and through 5x01). She's trying to right her wrongs while acknowledging her past mistakes. And Kara? Kara is one tired person. She's trying. Sometimes there are no right answers. That's this story, mess and all.


End file.
